Checking Yahoo! Finance this morning I noticed an article titled, Automatic Toilet Tissue Dispenser Ready: Company Rolls Out Electronic Toilet Tissue Dispenser That Spits Out 5 Sheets Per Wave:

A year in the works, the electronic tissue dispenser is being rolled out to the masses by Kimberly-Clark Professional as it seeks to capture more of the $1 billion away-from-home toilet paper market. The company believes most people will be satisfied with five sheets -- and use 20 percent less toilet paper. [emphasis mine]

Oh I bet the AP writer who pushed out this article is still laughing about that one. The article goes on to say:

"Most people will take the amount given," says [Richard] Thorne [Director of Kimberly-Clark's washroom business]. Waxing philosophical, he adds, "People generally in life will take what you give them."

Waxing philosophical? Maybe he meant, "wiping." Almost every paragraph of this article reads like this. So rather than quote them all, just read the rest. It's full of little "gems" of crude hilarity. Okay, one more:

But Thorne admits the company won't truly achieve a "touchless" bathroom until it develops a toilet that does the dirty work for you.

"And that," he says, "is going to be interesting."

He slides his hand under the toilet paper one more time for emphasis, and another string of toilet paper shoots out.

"The final frontier," he says with a smile.

I don't even need to comment on that. AYFKM? Read the whole thing.